Speaking of worrying about MS related things. I find myself wondering whenever I have trouble remembering something if it is a MS thing. I always considered myself very intelligent. If anything smarter than most. I like to think I'm not arrogant or conceited about it, but in the past my brain always worked quicker than most people. I could look at a problem and skip past 1/2 the steps and see the solution. I'm a problem solver. It is part of what makes me good at what I do for a living. All through out my education I was good at math. I was able to clep out of several general ed, basic math and even algebra and trig classed, and jump right into taking advanced calculus without breaking a sweat. I could do math in my head without any trouble. I still can, but sometimes my brain feels like it is in a fog. what used to come without a struggle now is like wading through molasses. It's disturbing.
This weekend brought it to my attention more than normal. We had gone out for a couple beers with a friend and I tried playing a game called 21zip or something like that. It is a video card game based on blackjack. There are 4 columns that you can play cards on, the object is to play cards from the deck on any of the 4 columns so that it adds up to 21 which clears the column. obviously you can't go over 21, and you want to play as many cards in the deck within the time limit. Plus you get bonuses for the number of columns you clear and the number cards you play etc. It isn't hard, it mainly requires that you can do math in your head and/or spot patterns of what cards to put together to make 21. Well, basically I sucked. Something I once would have found so easy, and my brain sits there staring at the cards going "Duh..." And no it wasn't the beer. My friend kept helping out and pointing out plays, which helped, but I basically felt like an idiot.
The friend even brought it up to M the next day, and said how surprised she was that I wasn't any better in Math than that... and mentioned something along the lines of thinking I was smarter than that. Wow. I really thought the same thing myself. What the hell happened? I tried talking a little bit about it to M but she seemed to think it was perhaps an off night, and just mentioned how perhaps I needed to do more things to exercise my brain.
So, what I don't want to do is to just shrug off every little thing that pops up as being, "oh that must be MS". As in, I feel tired today - oh that must be MS Fatigue. Oh, my brain is struggling today, that must be MS. Oh i'm tired and my brain is struggling that must be MS. who knows. maybe it is all related.