I got a comment on an earlier post regarding the outcome of surgery I recently had, and it made me think of the topic of this post. When you meet people online, either via chat rooms, message boards, blogs, etc, there is talk of this being a "virtual world" vs the "real world" which is the one we live and breath and work, etc.
Sometimes, I think the people in the virtual space can be as real as those in real life. For example, I just had a virtual stranger ask me how I was, if I was ok, after having some surgery. That to me is a show of concern. I don't think imaginary or virtual people are that real. Also, Diane seems very real to me, I read her blog, know (I think) quite a bit about her from her blog, so she seems like a friend. Of course someone can watch a TV show week after week, and get to know the characters and they can also seem like people you "know", almost like friends. But the difference here is that online, there is an interchange. I read her blog and can comment, and she can comment back on my comments, and she reads my blog and leaves comments for me as well. Mine is not near as interesting as hers, and I don't write near as often. So by exchanging comments it becomes a form of conversation, and we can get to know each other, at least superficially. which makes it more real. I could also argue that I have friends (acquaintances?) that knew I was having surgery and haven't made any effort to check on me in real space, so having someone do that in the virtual world, is a nice thing.
One of my favorite books is a kids book. The Velveteen Rabbit. In the book toys become real through the love of their owner. I think I had a point here somewhere, but I think I lost it. So instead I'll just say that maybe virtual space is sort of like that too, it becomes as real as those who participate in it. And yes, I know there are many fake people on the Internet that are out for no good. My mother always warned be about those people. You know the ones out for no good. I think they should wear a label or sign. I don't believe everything I read or see. But on the other hand, I don't doubt everything or disbelieve it either. So I will continue to write my blog for my own reasons, and continue to feel a part of a community. Which is a really nice thing.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
thyriods - what's it good for?
Well, my 6 month follow up appointment to review the Thyroid scan that I had last week was today. Results are that the nodule on the left has indeed grown, and is now larger than 3.5cm and therefore needs to come out. So I am now planning to be out of work for 2-3 weeks at the end of October to have 1/2 (the left) of my thyroid taken out. Last time I saw this dr I wasn't too happy with him or his attitude, he seemed more interested in showing off for some interns he had with him than in talking with me. Today, it was just him, and he took the time to talk to me, explain things and while I feel he is still egotistical that isn't always a bad thing when you are talking to a surgeon - hey I want him to be the best at what he does too.
It appears there are some risks - that involve the vocal cords and some other things. According to my doctor he is better than "what the books say" and that there is a less than 2% chance of any issues with him doing the surgery. That is apparently based on the number of these operations he does.
I'll talk to my brother about what the dr had to say and about the plan for surgery to get his opinion, and/or that of his buddy that does these sort of things there where my brother practices.
I'll also talk to my mom about it. She will worry, but then according to her, that is her job - mothers are supposed to worry. At the moment I'm not too worried about any of it. I'm glad it is just the one side, and that most likely nothing will be done on the other side unless they end up finding cancer on this side. Apparently the nodes on the right are stable and not growing. And the other big thing is that I won't be having to have another thin needle biopsy. I guess I'm saying I'd rather have the surgery than to have them poke another one of those skinny needles in my neck and push it around trying to collect cells.
The one thing I find somewhat depressing is that my thyriod levels are "great", or if anything my thyroid is over producing. Which I'm told is good sign that the surgery will end up having no effect on my needing thyroid meds.
Oh and one other thing the dr shared was that might not be such a good thing, and that is that the prognosis of this not being cancer does have one problem. Apparently I'm "old". Sometimes I do feel old, other times I wonder where the years went, and forget myself. Anyway, according to the dr who says he's my age, we are above the age where thyriod issues normally show up. So being mid-late 40's almost 50 is "old". So perhaps I should worry now that there is cancer. But then why borrow trouble.
It appears there are some risks - that involve the vocal cords and some other things. According to my doctor he is better than "what the books say" and that there is a less than 2% chance of any issues with him doing the surgery. That is apparently based on the number of these operations he does.
I'll talk to my brother about what the dr had to say and about the plan for surgery to get his opinion, and/or that of his buddy that does these sort of things there where my brother practices.
I'll also talk to my mom about it. She will worry, but then according to her, that is her job - mothers are supposed to worry. At the moment I'm not too worried about any of it. I'm glad it is just the one side, and that most likely nothing will be done on the other side unless they end up finding cancer on this side. Apparently the nodes on the right are stable and not growing. And the other big thing is that I won't be having to have another thin needle biopsy. I guess I'm saying I'd rather have the surgery than to have them poke another one of those skinny needles in my neck and push it around trying to collect cells.
The one thing I find somewhat depressing is that my thyriod levels are "great", or if anything my thyroid is over producing. Which I'm told is good sign that the surgery will end up having no effect on my needing thyroid meds.
Oh and one other thing the dr shared was that might not be such a good thing, and that is that the prognosis of this not being cancer does have one problem. Apparently I'm "old". Sometimes I do feel old, other times I wonder where the years went, and forget myself. Anyway, according to the dr who says he's my age, we are above the age where thyriod issues normally show up. So being mid-late 40's almost 50 is "old". So perhaps I should worry now that there is cancer. But then why borrow trouble.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
stuff
Been a while since I posted. Life has been busy. Which is a good thing. Spent Labor day weekend camping with M up at the PA Grand Canyon for a 4 day weekend. Got to site see. I'm not sure what I expected. But it isn't like the Grand Canyon, but it is a huge gorge. Lots more forest and trees. We biked along the rail trail - which parallels the river at the bottom of the gorge. At most it is a 2% grade. The temps were cold. In the 50's and dropped into the 40's at night. That's cold when you are staying in a tent. But we did ok. We have a huge tent - 10'x20' with room to stand in it. divides into two rooms. Basically we have more room that many of the RV's that were staying beside us. The following weekend we took another long 4 day weekend camping trip down to the shore. Went down in Delaware and stayed at Cape Henlopen which is outside of Lewes. Again we stayed in the huge tent. Temps were great - in the 60's - 70's. We biked everywhere from camp. Some great trails, and unlike roads here at home, they have lots of bike lanes, and are familiar with the idea of sharing the road. Here in PA where we live, even on the "bike routes" there is rarely a bike lane, and motorists are rude. Most roads also don't have sidewalks either so if you walk or ride you trust traffic to pay attention. The weekend before Labor Day we also had a nice weekend, at home, just the two of us. W had gone off to visit one of his women friends - he's quite the casanova.
Which is great. He's a sweet guy, in good shape for 70, and loves life. Who says life has to end when you get to be a senior citizen. Apparently that includes an active sex life. I don't want details, but I'm happy to know he is able to have fun. Long as no one gets hurt - what's the harm? One problem he has is trying to juggle mutliple women at the same time. He is back here now, and has one of his ex's visiting from Co. But I think he really likes this one that he just got back from visiting. So guess at some point he will have to decide if he is going to settle down. M claims that now that we have her dad living with us, I should now understand her better, her sister just says I must be a saint to deal with living with both M & W, LOL.
Right now, I have a slight delima and am having to research a product that W's new g/f is swearing is the cure for everything. W has bought into the speil, which my gut is saying do you hear "snake oil?" or pyramid scheme? Come on, drink the koolaid and you too can believe. Apparently there is a whole line of products. Including some sort of stuff W put on his face which cleared up his rosacea while he was in SC. The juice drink is supposed to give you all sorts of energy, help people with MS, help people with joint problems, all sorts of things. According to the testimonials W had heard a tape on, all sorts of people gave up all their med's and were able to just drink the juice and were able to walk again, and have energy they never had before, and suddenly live fuller lives. I was always raised to be a skeptic - if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and there is no free lunch, etc.
M however promised W that we would hear and investigate this stuff with an open mind. Ok, so anything is possible, and there could be something to at least some of this stuff. So now I'm researching some sort of juice stuff called xango, and mangosteen. For something that is supposed to be the biggest thing since sliced bread, I've not heard of it before.
Which is great. He's a sweet guy, in good shape for 70, and loves life. Who says life has to end when you get to be a senior citizen. Apparently that includes an active sex life. I don't want details, but I'm happy to know he is able to have fun. Long as no one gets hurt - what's the harm? One problem he has is trying to juggle mutliple women at the same time. He is back here now, and has one of his ex's visiting from Co. But I think he really likes this one that he just got back from visiting. So guess at some point he will have to decide if he is going to settle down. M claims that now that we have her dad living with us, I should now understand her better, her sister just says I must be a saint to deal with living with both M & W, LOL.
Right now, I have a slight delima and am having to research a product that W's new g/f is swearing is the cure for everything. W has bought into the speil, which my gut is saying do you hear "snake oil?" or pyramid scheme? Come on, drink the koolaid and you too can believe. Apparently there is a whole line of products. Including some sort of stuff W put on his face which cleared up his rosacea while he was in SC. The juice drink is supposed to give you all sorts of energy, help people with MS, help people with joint problems, all sorts of things. According to the testimonials W had heard a tape on, all sorts of people gave up all their med's and were able to just drink the juice and were able to walk again, and have energy they never had before, and suddenly live fuller lives. I was always raised to be a skeptic - if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and there is no free lunch, etc.
M however promised W that we would hear and investigate this stuff with an open mind. Ok, so anything is possible, and there could be something to at least some of this stuff. So now I'm researching some sort of juice stuff called xango, and mangosteen. For something that is supposed to be the biggest thing since sliced bread, I've not heard of it before.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Rest & Relaxation
This weekend was a great weekend. Not that anything truly remarkable happened, but maybe because it was just an ordinary weekend. W has been off playing casanova the past couple weeks so M and I have the house to ourselves. We both took off Friday, but not to go anywhere or do anything. Not that we did absolutely nothing, but sometimes M feels the need to have an agenda, somewhere to go, things to do, I sometimes like to just relax and have no plans. So this weekend we had no real plans. Friday we got errands ran, and just took care of things that needed to be done during the week but we never seem to have time for while working.
Saturday we took the bikes down to the Heritage trail and rode 14+ miles, then went to a friend's pool party that afternoon. The weather cooperated, wasn't unbearably hot. The trail is shady so that helps! Sun was out and pretty warm at the pool party but then that just made it feel good to jump in the water. Got to swim a few laps and tease a couple of the dogs that wanted to follow along the side of the pool back and forth... I always loved swiming. I miss having a pool or a gym membership with a pool. I did forget though to watch my knee while trying to swim laps. I have a tendancy to hurt my left knee while kicking unless I either wrap it first or pay close attention and dont kick hard and just use my arms to pull myself along. Well, I forgot. But nothing serious. We had fun.
Sunday we loaded the bikes up again, and went back down to the trail and this time did 18 miles. It was a little warmer on Sunday, but there was a nice breeze and of course the shade on the trail. This was first weekend in over 3 weeks that I was able to get out on one of the trails and ride. I'd been on-call the previous 3 weekends.
Riding helps my knees, but then they are stiff afterward. They were stiff when I woke up Sunday morning, and stiff when I started out riding Sunday, and stiff this morning as I went into work. By now they have loosened back up. Relaxing in the Hot tub also helps my arthritis a lot. I am sooo glad that my MS didn't take that away and I can still enjoy soaking my aching bones in the hot water. There have been some times, usually in the midst of a flare that I can't tolerate the heat but normally it still feels good.
So here's to rest and relaxation. And to a great weekend.
Saturday we took the bikes down to the Heritage trail and rode 14+ miles, then went to a friend's pool party that afternoon. The weather cooperated, wasn't unbearably hot. The trail is shady so that helps! Sun was out and pretty warm at the pool party but then that just made it feel good to jump in the water. Got to swim a few laps and tease a couple of the dogs that wanted to follow along the side of the pool back and forth... I always loved swiming. I miss having a pool or a gym membership with a pool. I did forget though to watch my knee while trying to swim laps. I have a tendancy to hurt my left knee while kicking unless I either wrap it first or pay close attention and dont kick hard and just use my arms to pull myself along. Well, I forgot. But nothing serious. We had fun.
Sunday we loaded the bikes up again, and went back down to the trail and this time did 18 miles. It was a little warmer on Sunday, but there was a nice breeze and of course the shade on the trail. This was first weekend in over 3 weeks that I was able to get out on one of the trails and ride. I'd been on-call the previous 3 weekends.
Riding helps my knees, but then they are stiff afterward. They were stiff when I woke up Sunday morning, and stiff when I started out riding Sunday, and stiff this morning as I went into work. By now they have loosened back up. Relaxing in the Hot tub also helps my arthritis a lot. I am sooo glad that my MS didn't take that away and I can still enjoy soaking my aching bones in the hot water. There have been some times, usually in the midst of a flare that I can't tolerate the heat but normally it still feels good.
So here's to rest and relaxation. And to a great weekend.
Friday, August 27, 2010
the future, predictions, predictability
I posted about being worried because of being denied disability insurance. But for the moment, I feel pretty good. As M told me the other day, she's glad I'm as good as I am. I am sure not going to run any marathons, and some days I limp and hobble along, but that is the bad knees, not the MS. In some ways, the whole MS thing hasn't really hit home. Sure I saw the little white lesions on my brain MRI. Sure, I have had issues with numbness in my feet and legs, some of which will flair back up, I sometimes feel like I walk on a pair of balled up socks under the ball of my feet. But is it really real?
I believe that I still have a long productive road ahead, of work, life, etc. There are a lot things I haven't done yet that I want to do. So, I am stubborn enough, determined enough, to want to do them. Right now, M & I are working towards getting healthier, eating better, getting more physically fit, losing some of the excess weight we have both put on over the past few years. I get frustrated with things that seem to keep jumping in as road blocks - things like breaking my ankle, finding out I have MS, etc. But I'm no quitter.
I have had to learn to reinvent myself several times in my life. M likes to say I grew up in "leave it to beaver's" household. In some ways I did. When I was small both my parents worked, but my mother quit her job and took care of me and the house and my brother by around the time I started school. My parents were married more than 52 yrs when my dad died. So yeah, I was fortunate.
It didn't stop me from wanting to get out and on my own as soon as I could. I couldn't wait to leave home, to leave the small town and everything behind. I dropped out of college to get married at 18. I followed my husband overseas where my daughter was born. We had a very rocky relationship. Abusive. I thought many times about leaving and heading back home, but I was too proud. So I stuck it out. While overseas, I managed to snag a good job with good pay, as a graphic designer I liked what I was doing. Then I found out I was pregnant. We came back to the states soon after J was born. I was trying to figure out if we could make things work. What the future was going to be. If I had the guts to leave and strike out on my own again, this time with a baby. I didn't have to make a choice. One night the police called to let me know my husband had been picked up. He was trying to arrange a hit on me for the insurance. Didn't much care what happened to our daughter, then decided she was worth more to him alive, due to being able to stay in on post housing and out of the barracks. So my choice was made, and I again had to start over. Thankfully my family welcomed me and my daughter til we got back on our feet. I went back to college and managed to graduate with honors. I obtained two degrees, one in accounting and the other in computers. During the final years in college I worked at a local accounting firm, and went there full time and become a CPA after graduation. I worked hard, raised my daughter and life was good.
After another 7 yrs or so, I guess the 7 yr itch struck, and I also fell for someone who lived 1000 miles away. I also felt stifled in the small town, in the bible belt where I was raised. My lifestyle was not that welcomed there. I met someone online, what started as a friendship, chatting online, exchanging emails and phone calls, and long letters, even trips back and forth across the country turned into a relationship. So I packed up me & my daughter and we moved. Once again, my choice in a relationship continued to be lacking, so that didnt last. M tells me, that it was a necessary step, one that brought me here to meet her. Perhaps. I can't argue with that.
M & I have been together almost 10 yrs now. Good years. When I moved across country 15 yrs ago, I reinvented myself again. I gave up the accounting which I had come to find tedious and focused on the computers and then branched out into networking and then VOIP. Most of the time it is work I enjoy.
Whatever happens going forward, I'm not afraid of the future. It will all end up ok. I am a believer in good karma if nothing else.
I believe that I still have a long productive road ahead, of work, life, etc. There are a lot things I haven't done yet that I want to do. So, I am stubborn enough, determined enough, to want to do them. Right now, M & I are working towards getting healthier, eating better, getting more physically fit, losing some of the excess weight we have both put on over the past few years. I get frustrated with things that seem to keep jumping in as road blocks - things like breaking my ankle, finding out I have MS, etc. But I'm no quitter.
I have had to learn to reinvent myself several times in my life. M likes to say I grew up in "leave it to beaver's" household. In some ways I did. When I was small both my parents worked, but my mother quit her job and took care of me and the house and my brother by around the time I started school. My parents were married more than 52 yrs when my dad died. So yeah, I was fortunate.
It didn't stop me from wanting to get out and on my own as soon as I could. I couldn't wait to leave home, to leave the small town and everything behind. I dropped out of college to get married at 18. I followed my husband overseas where my daughter was born. We had a very rocky relationship. Abusive. I thought many times about leaving and heading back home, but I was too proud. So I stuck it out. While overseas, I managed to snag a good job with good pay, as a graphic designer I liked what I was doing. Then I found out I was pregnant. We came back to the states soon after J was born. I was trying to figure out if we could make things work. What the future was going to be. If I had the guts to leave and strike out on my own again, this time with a baby. I didn't have to make a choice. One night the police called to let me know my husband had been picked up. He was trying to arrange a hit on me for the insurance. Didn't much care what happened to our daughter, then decided she was worth more to him alive, due to being able to stay in on post housing and out of the barracks. So my choice was made, and I again had to start over. Thankfully my family welcomed me and my daughter til we got back on our feet. I went back to college and managed to graduate with honors. I obtained two degrees, one in accounting and the other in computers. During the final years in college I worked at a local accounting firm, and went there full time and become a CPA after graduation. I worked hard, raised my daughter and life was good.
After another 7 yrs or so, I guess the 7 yr itch struck, and I also fell for someone who lived 1000 miles away. I also felt stifled in the small town, in the bible belt where I was raised. My lifestyle was not that welcomed there. I met someone online, what started as a friendship, chatting online, exchanging emails and phone calls, and long letters, even trips back and forth across the country turned into a relationship. So I packed up me & my daughter and we moved. Once again, my choice in a relationship continued to be lacking, so that didnt last. M tells me, that it was a necessary step, one that brought me here to meet her. Perhaps. I can't argue with that.
M & I have been together almost 10 yrs now. Good years. When I moved across country 15 yrs ago, I reinvented myself again. I gave up the accounting which I had come to find tedious and focused on the computers and then branched out into networking and then VOIP. Most of the time it is work I enjoy.
Whatever happens going forward, I'm not afraid of the future. It will all end up ok. I am a believer in good karma if nothing else.
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