This past Saturday the weather cleared enough in the morning for us to a short bike ride. W is in Colorado so he missed it, but I went with M and her sister and a friend of her sisters to ride back at City Island. I did promise M that I would walk my bike up the steep ramps along front street (just in case - after all this was the site of where I broke my ankle the last time I was on my bike back in January.) The weather was nice, although the wind was strong toward the end. I did 7.9 miles, actually closer to 8, since the odometer rolled over while I moved my bike around before putting it back on the rack to head home. So I think I did pretty good.
M & the rest did a lot more than I did. There was a crowd at City Island so they opted to take the regular bridge (with the cars) instead of the walking bridge. I wanted to take it easy while I got over the fear of falling off my bike so I decided to just ride around the Island a bit and by the time I did that the walking bridge traffic cleared so I went across that. I met back up with the others briefly but found I had trouble keeping up. So let them go on without me and took my time. I met back up with them later. I know the last 3 miles or so were tough. My muscles really felt it. And my left knee. In spite of getting another injection last week. M was concerned and hung back to make sure I made it back to across the walking bridge because she figured I had to be tired. I am very lucky to have someone like M in my life. I'm sure I don't tell her that enough.
Riding felt good. I had a little trouble starting off - feeling a bit wobbly (ok a lot wobbly). I had a couple moments of panic trying to push off and or stop when I didn't have the strength in my left leg to get the bike going and was wobbling along with the voices in my head saying "don't fall... don't fall... you going to break something again if you fall..." So getting past the fear was kind of a big thing. I hate being afraid. I don't like being afraid of anything. Sometimes I look back and think what happened to the younger me. The one that wasn't afraid, and the one whose body hadn't yet started to betray her. I could run, jump, climb, even crawl. I played sports, and didn't have to think ahead as to where I was walking, watch my balance (I wobble walking sometimes too - not just on a bike). I can't squat down, my knees can't deal with it. I have trouble kneeling and/or crawling on my knees for the same reason. Run? forget it! And now since falling off the bike a couple times and breaking my ankle the last time, a part of me knows that fear is something real, not just in my head. I do need to watch out, and think ahead and be careful, and try not to fall. So the fear is there, and it has grown. Bah!
M & I are planning a trip in July to Ohiopyle. We will take W with us, JJ is going to house/dog/cat sit for us. We are taking the bikes, and will ride some of the rail trails in the area. I'm excited about the trip. I'm hoping I'll be up to do the trails and will be able to keep up. I am a little nervous about the surgery this Thursday and how quickly I'll be able to recover. Mainly I'm worried that my weaker left will be able to handle doing all the work for a few days - going up/down stairs when I get home from the surgery, etc. I'll just have to tough it out I guess. M also wants to go white water rafting while we are at Ohiopyle. I went once years ago (over 30 yrs I think). I think it will be fun, but I'm nervous about that too. She wants to do the upper yough which is the toughest. I am being nervous Nelly and think of all that could go wrong. I miss the me that was adventurous and unafraid. And most of all strong and pain free.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Weekend Getaway, bikes, and things
This past weekend M and I went down to the shore. She rode in the annual Ocean to Bay ride, 25 miles. I am really proud of her. Just think last year neither one of us was riding at all. And this past Saturday she rode over 30 miles altogether. I really wish I had been up to riding as well, but I was afraid to try it. The ride looked great though very little grade. Which is really great for me. We have plans to do it again next year. It was really nice chance to get away from it all too. Good to have a break from work. Good to have some time together. The weather was great. Just a great weekend.
Actually I am a afraid to get back on the bike. Afraid of falling again. Afraid I won't be able to catch myself if I tip over. Afraid to get hurt. I hate being afraid. Seems as the years go by, I lose more and more. I thought it was a part of getting older, but now, I guess it is much more.
I am still doing the Physical Therapy. It helps. I can tell I am re-gaining the strength in my left knee and ankle, the range of motion in my ankle is almost back to normal. I still have trouble with stairs. My knee can't quite pull me up going up steps and my ankle hurts on the way down. My therapist told me today that that is also a function of my lack of strength in the thigh muscle which effects my ability to go up and down. The muscle gives way, and so i feel it in my ankle. Makes sense.
I saw my orthopedic dr last Friday. He said I was back too soon to get new xrays of the ankle. But we talked about the ankle and it seems to be doing fine. Then we talked about the knees. Basically it isn't anything we didn't already know. According to him my knees are well into their late 60's. My actual age is 47. People don't seem to think I look it. I tell people I have a 25 yr old daughter and I'm told there is no way. I guess that is lucky. I don't really have wrinkles. Probably partly due to being overweight. I don't have any grey hair. My mom didn't really go grey until she was in her 60's and then it looked like her hair was frosted. My dad was the same way. I do have liver spots on my hands. so my skin looks old. Anyway, I also talked to the dr about scheduling the orthoscopic surgery on my right knee since my kneecap is driving me nuts. It is very hard to sit still for any length of time. So he gave me a cortisone shot in my left knee to see if that would help it. Normally the shots do help it. And we scheduled surgery for next Thursday 4/29. I hope I'll be ready. But the plan is to get it done and move on.
I have no idea if I will be able to get back in shape to do the MS bike ride in July but that is still my goal. M says I will make it.
Actually I am a afraid to get back on the bike. Afraid of falling again. Afraid I won't be able to catch myself if I tip over. Afraid to get hurt. I hate being afraid. Seems as the years go by, I lose more and more. I thought it was a part of getting older, but now, I guess it is much more.
I am still doing the Physical Therapy. It helps. I can tell I am re-gaining the strength in my left knee and ankle, the range of motion in my ankle is almost back to normal. I still have trouble with stairs. My knee can't quite pull me up going up steps and my ankle hurts on the way down. My therapist told me today that that is also a function of my lack of strength in the thigh muscle which effects my ability to go up and down. The muscle gives way, and so i feel it in my ankle. Makes sense.
I saw my orthopedic dr last Friday. He said I was back too soon to get new xrays of the ankle. But we talked about the ankle and it seems to be doing fine. Then we talked about the knees. Basically it isn't anything we didn't already know. According to him my knees are well into their late 60's. My actual age is 47. People don't seem to think I look it. I tell people I have a 25 yr old daughter and I'm told there is no way. I guess that is lucky. I don't really have wrinkles. Probably partly due to being overweight. I don't have any grey hair. My mom didn't really go grey until she was in her 60's and then it looked like her hair was frosted. My dad was the same way. I do have liver spots on my hands. so my skin looks old. Anyway, I also talked to the dr about scheduling the orthoscopic surgery on my right knee since my kneecap is driving me nuts. It is very hard to sit still for any length of time. So he gave me a cortisone shot in my left knee to see if that would help it. Normally the shots do help it. And we scheduled surgery for next Thursday 4/29. I hope I'll be ready. But the plan is to get it done and move on.
I have no idea if I will be able to get back in shape to do the MS bike ride in July but that is still my goal. M says I will make it.
Monday, March 22, 2010
MS brain fog...
Speaking of worrying about MS related things. I find myself wondering whenever I have trouble remembering something if it is a MS thing. I always considered myself very intelligent. If anything smarter than most. I like to think I'm not arrogant or conceited about it, but in the past my brain always worked quicker than most people. I could look at a problem and skip past 1/2 the steps and see the solution. I'm a problem solver. It is part of what makes me good at what I do for a living. All through out my education I was good at math. I was able to clep out of several general ed, basic math and even algebra and trig classed, and jump right into taking advanced calculus without breaking a sweat. I could do math in my head without any trouble. I still can, but sometimes my brain feels like it is in a fog. what used to come without a struggle now is like wading through molasses. It's disturbing.
This weekend brought it to my attention more than normal. We had gone out for a couple beers with a friend and I tried playing a game called 21zip or something like that. It is a video card game based on blackjack. There are 4 columns that you can play cards on, the object is to play cards from the deck on any of the 4 columns so that it adds up to 21 which clears the column. obviously you can't go over 21, and you want to play as many cards in the deck within the time limit. Plus you get bonuses for the number of columns you clear and the number cards you play etc. It isn't hard, it mainly requires that you can do math in your head and/or spot patterns of what cards to put together to make 21. Well, basically I sucked. Something I once would have found so easy, and my brain sits there staring at the cards going "Duh..." And no it wasn't the beer. My friend kept helping out and pointing out plays, which helped, but I basically felt like an idiot.
The friend even brought it up to M the next day, and said how surprised she was that I wasn't any better in Math than that... and mentioned something along the lines of thinking I was smarter than that. Wow. I really thought the same thing myself. What the hell happened? I tried talking a little bit about it to M but she seemed to think it was perhaps an off night, and just mentioned how perhaps I needed to do more things to exercise my brain.
So, what I don't want to do is to just shrug off every little thing that pops up as being, "oh that must be MS". As in, I feel tired today - oh that must be MS Fatigue. Oh, my brain is struggling today, that must be MS. Oh i'm tired and my brain is struggling that must be MS. who knows. maybe it is all related.
This weekend brought it to my attention more than normal. We had gone out for a couple beers with a friend and I tried playing a game called 21zip or something like that. It is a video card game based on blackjack. There are 4 columns that you can play cards on, the object is to play cards from the deck on any of the 4 columns so that it adds up to 21 which clears the column. obviously you can't go over 21, and you want to play as many cards in the deck within the time limit. Plus you get bonuses for the number of columns you clear and the number cards you play etc. It isn't hard, it mainly requires that you can do math in your head and/or spot patterns of what cards to put together to make 21. Well, basically I sucked. Something I once would have found so easy, and my brain sits there staring at the cards going "Duh..." And no it wasn't the beer. My friend kept helping out and pointing out plays, which helped, but I basically felt like an idiot.
The friend even brought it up to M the next day, and said how surprised she was that I wasn't any better in Math than that... and mentioned something along the lines of thinking I was smarter than that. Wow. I really thought the same thing myself. What the hell happened? I tried talking a little bit about it to M but she seemed to think it was perhaps an off night, and just mentioned how perhaps I needed to do more things to exercise my brain.
So, what I don't want to do is to just shrug off every little thing that pops up as being, "oh that must be MS". As in, I feel tired today - oh that must be MS Fatigue. Oh, my brain is struggling today, that must be MS. Oh i'm tired and my brain is struggling that must be MS. who knows. maybe it is all related.
broken ankles, getting back on the bike....
It's been a while since I posted. I'm still healing from the broken ankle - I have taken the walking boot off. But I can tell that ankle is weak. It gets sore when I use it, I'm going to have to work at it to get the strength back on that side. Between the left knee and the ankle that is definitely my week side.
I go back to the Dr this coming Friday to have a new set of x-ray's and to make sure all has healed. However this weekend was 9 weeks since I fell and broke it, so I decided it had been long enough. I was supposed to have gone back to the Dr on the 15th and have the x-ray's and find out how the ankle was doing, but between a combination of not getting enough sleep over the weekend, having brain fog over the daylight savings time change and somehow screwing up my alarm, I over-slept. I called to re-schedule and was given a Friday appt. Silly me, I thought we were talking about last Friday (3/19) and only found out that it was not until 3/26 when I showed up only to find my Dr wasn't in. Since it had been 8 weeks on the 14th, and almost 9 weeks by the 19th, I decided I didn't need to wait for 10 weeks to take off the walking boot and that maybe it would be better for me to start using it. I've just taken it easy on what I've been doing.
I have discovered that walking around on bumpy terrain is a challenge. I feel really unsteady, part of it might be the MS, part of it the weak knee that sometimes feels like it will just "go out" without warning. Some of it is that the ankle isn't sure about twisting in all sorts of angles and directions and still holding up my weight. When I see the Dr I am going to request getting some PT to try to work on strengthening it.
I also am really nervous about getting back on a bike. Getting on it and riding is fine. That I can do. It is the "stopping" and getting off that worries me. That and how to face going up a hill. What if I get part way up and realize I'm not prepared and can't finish it. So far I haven't been real successful on stopping without falling off. Falling off and bruising my pride is one thing. Breaking ankles is a whole other thing.
I go back to the Dr this coming Friday to have a new set of x-ray's and to make sure all has healed. However this weekend was 9 weeks since I fell and broke it, so I decided it had been long enough. I was supposed to have gone back to the Dr on the 15th and have the x-ray's and find out how the ankle was doing, but between a combination of not getting enough sleep over the weekend, having brain fog over the daylight savings time change and somehow screwing up my alarm, I over-slept. I called to re-schedule and was given a Friday appt. Silly me, I thought we were talking about last Friday (3/19) and only found out that it was not until 3/26 when I showed up only to find my Dr wasn't in. Since it had been 8 weeks on the 14th, and almost 9 weeks by the 19th, I decided I didn't need to wait for 10 weeks to take off the walking boot and that maybe it would be better for me to start using it. I've just taken it easy on what I've been doing.
I have discovered that walking around on bumpy terrain is a challenge. I feel really unsteady, part of it might be the MS, part of it the weak knee that sometimes feels like it will just "go out" without warning. Some of it is that the ankle isn't sure about twisting in all sorts of angles and directions and still holding up my weight. When I see the Dr I am going to request getting some PT to try to work on strengthening it.
I also am really nervous about getting back on a bike. Getting on it and riding is fine. That I can do. It is the "stopping" and getting off that worries me. That and how to face going up a hill. What if I get part way up and realize I'm not prepared and can't finish it. So far I haven't been real successful on stopping without falling off. Falling off and bruising my pride is one thing. Breaking ankles is a whole other thing.
MS-related Bloggers requested to answer survey questions
From Lisa's Brass and Ivory site, I'm reposting a request for responses to a Survey:
Read more: http://brassandivory.blogspot.com/#ixzz0iulgiEjg
Calling all MS-related Bloggers to Answer Survey Questions
I received a request from the National MS Society (US) to encourage as many MS-related bloggers as possible to respond to a survey regarding finding information online. Within the fall edition of the magazine Momentum will be an article - "Multiple Sclerosis: Surviving the Information Age" (tentative title).
Short synopsis: The Internet offers unprecedented amounts of information. It’s a boon and a minefield both. How are people with MS managing it? We’ll ask some MS Webheads and some experts on health information about facts, rumor, opinion, and challenges to received wisdom. We’ll also explore how people stay calm when faced with too much information.
The 10-question survey is meant specifically for bloggers but is not limited to those in the US. If I have your email, you received this same request. I do not have emails for every MS bloggers (not even close), so I ask that you pass this request on....perhaps posting it on your blog.
The NMSS is hoping to get as many responses within the next week as possible.
Here is the address for the survey:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/
Thank you!!
Lisa Emrich
Short synopsis: The Internet offers unprecedented amounts of information. It’s a boon and a minefield both. How are people with MS managing it? We’ll ask some MS Webheads and some experts on health information about facts, rumor, opinion, and challenges to received wisdom. We’ll also explore how people stay calm when faced with too much information.
The 10-question survey is meant specifically for bloggers but is not limited to those in the US. If I have your email, you received this same request. I do not have emails for every MS bloggers (not even close), so I ask that you pass this request on....perhaps posting it on your blog.
The NMSS is hoping to get as many responses within the next week as possible.
Here is the address for the survey:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/
Thank you!!
Lisa Emrich
Read more: http://brassandivory.blogspot.com/#ixzz0iulgiEjg
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