Motivation, the importance of cat naps

I'm finding it hard to get motivated.  As M would say you are just being lazy.... Ok, maybe I am. I know what I should do, even what I need to do - I need to get moving, get my heart rate up, whether it is to work on losing those pounds I could do without, or just moving for the sake of moving.  I know that I actually feel better when I am exercising and moving.  But I just can't get motivated.  I can procrastinate - I'll do that later, tomorrow, this weekend, some other time besides NOW. 

I should get back on my bike and ride.  My ankle is pretty much healed.  My right knee is much better since the surgery.  My left, well, it wants to give out, and it still protests but that is nothing new.  Actually in the past I've found the exercise helps. 

But really I'd rather go take a nap... Lately, I have been wanting to sleep a lot.  I don't get to.  I average only 6 hours or so most week nights, closer to 8 on weekends (that is IF we sleep in).  Even those days I can/do sleep in, I wake up at normal times, but I find it sort of a luxurious feeling to get to get up and pee and climb back in a snugly warm bed/cocoon and not have to force myself to stay up and get ready to head to work. 

I also think cats have it made (maybe it is just our cats, I realize those on the streets not so much).  We have 3, two boys and a girl.  Each with their own personality. The girl (calico) is definitely "miss thang", and you don't get in her way or she will give you attitude.  We also think she suffers from permanent PMS (kitty bitch mode).  She will meep at you (she sort of has like laryngitis where her mouth will move in a meow but only a squeaky "meep" comes out). Get you to pet her, then without warning might turn and try to bite you.  The boys have also pretty much learned to stay out of her way - she hisses and snarls.  Z the older tiger, is a snuggler, and a definite love bug.  He loves to curl up and sleep with me.  If I'm not available he will curl up with anyone that will pet him.  He loves to walk just in front of you and then fall down and roll over as if to say ok rub my belly.  It is a common thing in the morning as I head out for work for him to meow at me, talk to me telling me all his complaints about the world, he follows me from room to room, falling in front of me and rolling over in an attempt to get me to rub him, then as I walk around him and continue on, he will jump up and run up ahead to repeat the process.  He is definitely attached/bonded to me.  He is often my shadow, sitting at my feet if I am working in my office, snuggled up beside me in bed, or when sitting in the recliner.  His brother (ok they are none of them related, but hey we also call the dog their brother as well), is a maine coon, looks like a lion with a mane of fur and thick fluffy feather duster tail, and tufts of hair coming out his ears, and so much fur/hair coming out the bottoms of his feet his little pads have never touched the ground.  He has sooo much fur (strangely the vet called him a short hair when we got him at about 8 mos old) that we take him in the summer to have him shaved - they do a "lion cut" he seems to like it, keeps him cooler, and not so much fur to make hairballs with.  He is such a fraidy cat, that we call him our cowardly lion.  He and the tiger are true buds, boyfriends?, they snuggle together, groom each other, the tiger took him under his wing and played protector when he was a kitten, and tried to teach him all his bad habits.  Such as how to sling water across the kitchen floor with his paw - the tiger loves to play in water, he drinks it from his paw, and he will sling water at one of the other animals if he feels playful.  You can tell when he has been playing in the water bowl, he will jump up to have you pet him, and he will be soaking wet - both front paws and his chest.

They all make us laugh.  The dog too.  The dog is part golden retriever (his mom) and who knows - he has short red hair, a knot on his head, stands almost as big as a great dane, is built for speed (most dogs can't catch him, and he recently gave a deer a run for his money).  He is a gentle giant.  He used to whimper and whine when we would feed him a can of dog food and one of the cats (a 4th that is no longer with us, RIP coot), would take over his bowl and lick all the gravy.  He could have pushed the cat away, barked and/or scared him off, but no, he would come over to us and whine.  End result? we had to set out 2 bowls, pour off some of the gravy into one for the cats and put the rest of the can in his.   They are all spoiled. 

Watching their antics is good medicine.  Some of the silliness can make us laugh.  This morning I watched the tiger try to catch his own tail, he would spin around trying to surprise pounce on it, and then miss and sit and stare like what the hell is that thing attached to the end of my butt? I never saw that there before.  Comical, and he isn't a kitten, he'll be 8 later this fall.  I wouldn't take anything for him, or any of them, they can provide comfort and companionship when we feel down.  Nothing can beat that.

Now I think I am just going to go ahead and give into the urge and find a warm bit of sun (or just the couch or futon) and take a nap and see if I can get one of the cats to join me in a cat nap. 

MS brain fog...

Speaking of worrying about MS related things.  I find myself wondering whenever I have trouble remembering something if it is a MS thing.  I always considered myself very intelligent.  If anything smarter than most.  I like to think I'm not arrogant or conceited about it, but in the past my brain always worked quicker than most people.  I could look at a problem and  skip past 1/2 the steps and see the solution. I'm a problem solver.  It is part of what makes me good at what I do for a living.  All through out my education I was good at math.  I was able to clep out of several general ed, basic math and even algebra and trig classed, and jump right into taking advanced calculus without breaking a sweat.  I could do math in my head without any trouble.  I still can, but sometimes my brain feels like it is in a fog.  what used to come without a struggle now is like wading through molasses.  It's disturbing.

This weekend brought it to my attention more than normal.  We had gone out for a couple beers with a friend and I tried playing a game called 21zip or something like that.  It is a video card game based on blackjack.  There are 4 columns that you can play cards on, the object is to play cards from the deck on any of the 4 columns so that it adds up to 21 which clears the column.  obviously you can't go over 21, and you want to play as many cards in the deck within the time limit.  Plus you get bonuses for the number of columns you clear and the number cards you play etc.  It isn't hard, it mainly requires that you can do math in your head and/or spot patterns of what cards to put together to make 21.  Well, basically I sucked.  Something I once would have found so easy, and my brain sits there staring at the cards going "Duh..." And no it wasn't the beer.  My friend kept helping out and pointing out plays, which helped, but I basically felt like an idiot.

The friend even brought it up to M the next day, and said how surprised she was that I wasn't any better in Math than that...  and mentioned something along the lines of thinking I was smarter than that.  Wow.  I really thought the same thing myself.  What the hell happened?  I tried talking a little bit about it to M but she seemed to think it was perhaps an off night, and just mentioned how perhaps I needed to do more things to exercise my brain.

So, what I don't want to do is to just shrug off every little thing that pops up as being, "oh that must be MS".  As in, I feel tired today - oh that must be MS Fatigue.  Oh, my brain is struggling today, that must be MS.  Oh i'm tired and my brain is struggling that must be MS.  who knows.  maybe it is all related.