I'm finding it hard to get motivated. As M would say you are just being lazy.... Ok, maybe I am. I know what I should do, even what I need to do - I need to get moving, get my heart rate up, whether it is to work on losing those pounds I could do without, or just moving for the sake of moving. I know that I actually feel better when I am exercising and moving. But I just can't get motivated. I can procrastinate - I'll do that later, tomorrow, this weekend, some other time besides NOW.
I should get back on my bike and ride. My ankle is pretty much healed. My right knee is much better since the surgery. My left, well, it wants to give out, and it still protests but that is nothing new. Actually in the past I've found the exercise helps.
But really I'd rather go take a nap... Lately, I have been wanting to sleep a lot. I don't get to. I average only 6 hours or so most week nights, closer to 8 on weekends (that is IF we sleep in). Even those days I can/do sleep in, I wake up at normal times, but I find it sort of a luxurious feeling to get to get up and pee and climb back in a snugly warm bed/cocoon and not have to force myself to stay up and get ready to head to work.
I also think cats have it made (maybe it is just our cats, I realize those on the streets not so much). We have 3, two boys and a girl. Each with their own personality. The girl (calico) is definitely "miss thang", and you don't get in her way or she will give you attitude. We also think she suffers from permanent PMS (kitty bitch mode). She will meep at you (she sort of has like laryngitis where her mouth will move in a meow but only a squeaky "meep" comes out). Get you to pet her, then without warning might turn and try to bite you. The boys have also pretty much learned to stay out of her way - she hisses and snarls. Z the older tiger, is a snuggler, and a definite love bug. He loves to curl up and sleep with me. If I'm not available he will curl up with anyone that will pet him. He loves to walk just in front of you and then fall down and roll over as if to say ok rub my belly. It is a common thing in the morning as I head out for work for him to meow at me, talk to me telling me all his complaints about the world, he follows me from room to room, falling in front of me and rolling over in an attempt to get me to rub him, then as I walk around him and continue on, he will jump up and run up ahead to repeat the process. He is definitely attached/bonded to me. He is often my shadow, sitting at my feet if I am working in my office, snuggled up beside me in bed, or when sitting in the recliner. His brother (ok they are none of them related, but hey we also call the dog their brother as well), is a maine coon, looks like a lion with a mane of fur and thick fluffy feather duster tail, and tufts of hair coming out his ears, and so much fur/hair coming out the bottoms of his feet his little pads have never touched the ground. He has sooo much fur (strangely the vet called him a short hair when we got him at about 8 mos old) that we take him in the summer to have him shaved - they do a "lion cut" he seems to like it, keeps him cooler, and not so much fur to make hairballs with. He is such a fraidy cat, that we call him our cowardly lion. He and the tiger are true buds, boyfriends?, they snuggle together, groom each other, the tiger took him under his wing and played protector when he was a kitten, and tried to teach him all his bad habits. Such as how to sling water across the kitchen floor with his paw - the tiger loves to play in water, he drinks it from his paw, and he will sling water at one of the other animals if he feels playful. You can tell when he has been playing in the water bowl, he will jump up to have you pet him, and he will be soaking wet - both front paws and his chest.
They all make us laugh. The dog too. The dog is part golden retriever (his mom) and who knows - he has short red hair, a knot on his head, stands almost as big as a great dane, is built for speed (most dogs can't catch him, and he recently gave a deer a run for his money). He is a gentle giant. He used to whimper and whine when we would feed him a can of dog food and one of the cats (a 4th that is no longer with us, RIP coot), would take over his bowl and lick all the gravy. He could have pushed the cat away, barked and/or scared him off, but no, he would come over to us and whine. End result? we had to set out 2 bowls, pour off some of the gravy into one for the cats and put the rest of the can in his. They are all spoiled.
Watching their antics is good medicine. Some of the silliness can make us laugh. This morning I watched the tiger try to catch his own tail, he would spin around trying to surprise pounce on it, and then miss and sit and stare like what the hell is that thing attached to the end of my butt? I never saw that there before. Comical, and he isn't a kitten, he'll be 8 later this fall. I wouldn't take anything for him, or any of them, they can provide comfort and companionship when we feel down. Nothing can beat that.
Now I think I am just going to go ahead and give into the urge and find a warm bit of sun (or just the couch or futon) and take a nap and see if I can get one of the cats to join me in a cat nap.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
update, musing on heredity
Well, the knee surgery was a week ago. Right now I'm probably in the best shape I've been in for a while - ankle seems to be 100%, both knees working without too much pain or complaint. The right is much better than it has for some time - the surgery was a major success in my opinion. The left aches on occasion. Both creak and click when climbing steps. Luckily so far that is without pain. I sometimes feel like I could provide the sound effects for snap crack pop commercials between the noises my knees and other joints make. My ankle now joins in the sound effects band and plays popping sounds - reminiscent of popping bubble wrap periodically. Doesn't hurt but feels odd sort of like air escaping and makes noise. Various other joints also occasionally make noise - elbows and wrists, etc. I have only been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. It is highly possible in my opinion I could have it other places as well. Supposedly osteoarthritis effects targeted joints, and isn't just spread throughout the body, unlike rheumatoid arthritis that can be spread through out. That is if I understand my reading correctly. For example osteoarthritis might only effect one knee and not the other (mine however is with both but in the beginning it was only the left), whereas rheumatoid arthritis normally effects both. Osteoarthritis apparently is more common, and is often due to just normal wear and tear on the body. Not much about it being genetic or hereditary, but my mother has arthritis. She for some time now has complained about having it in her hands, especially her right thumb. She is right handed. Since I started having knee issues she has recently had similar complaints with hers and will empathize with what I go through. She says she feels for me having these kinds of pain and issues at 47 (starting around 40) vs her having same sort of trouble in her 80's (she is 83).
My daughter continues to ask why it is that genetics always seem to pass along the bad things and how lucky she is to appear to be in line to inherit all sorts of lovely things. So far she is lucky (unlucky) enough to have inherited from me (and from my mom) the following:
1) allergy to adhesive - like the adhesive on band aids (not latex, just the sticky stuff).
2) large breasts (I had a breast reduction 3 yrs ago - best thing I ever did and wish I could have done years prior, and she is jealous that she can't do the same yet, and my mother also says she wishes she had known of such a thing years ago, but feels 80+ is too old to do anything now).
3) large thighs - goes with the body type in general I guess that has been passed down. My mother in her youth had a model perfect body apparently - the large breast, small waist, and larger hips, and big thighs (doesn't show much in the pictures from the day due to her normally being dressed in dresses or skirts). So even when she was actually on the skinny side she had large legs. Me, I've never been accused of being skinny, and currently could stand to lose extra pounds, but even when I was thinner, I had the large breasts and big legs, and now my daughter follows along. Her larger than most girls thighs were well muscled and of benefit when she used to swim (the large breasts that developed soon after however were more of a detriment.)
4) while she hasn't developed it yet, we already know that Rosacea runs in the family. Mom has it, as does both my brother and I.
5) Strange immune system things - Dad had Gilliam Barre syndrome (which ultimately rushed his death several years ago), I of course with MS (diagnosed in 2009), and my daughter who had spinal meningitis at 18 months.
My daughter continues to ask why it is that genetics always seem to pass along the bad things and how lucky she is to appear to be in line to inherit all sorts of lovely things. So far she is lucky (unlucky) enough to have inherited from me (and from my mom) the following:
1) allergy to adhesive - like the adhesive on band aids (not latex, just the sticky stuff).
2) large breasts (I had a breast reduction 3 yrs ago - best thing I ever did and wish I could have done years prior, and she is jealous that she can't do the same yet, and my mother also says she wishes she had known of such a thing years ago, but feels 80+ is too old to do anything now).
3) large thighs - goes with the body type in general I guess that has been passed down. My mother in her youth had a model perfect body apparently - the large breast, small waist, and larger hips, and big thighs (doesn't show much in the pictures from the day due to her normally being dressed in dresses or skirts). So even when she was actually on the skinny side she had large legs. Me, I've never been accused of being skinny, and currently could stand to lose extra pounds, but even when I was thinner, I had the large breasts and big legs, and now my daughter follows along. Her larger than most girls thighs were well muscled and of benefit when she used to swim (the large breasts that developed soon after however were more of a detriment.)
4) while she hasn't developed it yet, we already know that Rosacea runs in the family. Mom has it, as does both my brother and I.
5) Strange immune system things - Dad had Gilliam Barre syndrome (which ultimately rushed his death several years ago), I of course with MS (diagnosed in 2009), and my daughter who had spinal meningitis at 18 months.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Knee surgery, recovery
I had the arthoscopic surgery on my right knee on Thursday. Outpatient, the surgery took less than an hour I think. I was told to bring my crutches but didn't need them. They want you up on your feet soon as possible. It appears I worried myself silly over nothing really. I was worried that my unstable left knee wouldn't be able to pull the slack during recovery etc. But I'm in virtually no pain. He told us that it might be like that, since he cleaned out the debris, and cleaned up the irritants, he said my knee might actually feel better after the surgery and not have the sore aches and pains normally associated with surgery. I can walk pretty much normal, even take stairs slow. It aches a bit at night or if I've been up on it for a while - due to swelling but if I keep it iced and elevated it is great. Last night I think my left knee bothered me more during the night than the right.
M is saying maybe we should have had this done a long time ago, and maybe need to go on to have the left one done. Maybe. My concern on the left is that it is not just the pain but the instability. Which I think is due to the ACL injury years ago that was never repaired.
Anyway, it is a good day. The sun is shining bright. A little too hot, but the breeze feels good. I'm sitting out on our deck enjoying it - at least for now, until I get too hot out here and/or the breeze dies down. I'm one of the apparent lucky ones with MS that isn't that effected by the heat. I'm more effected by cold. Doesn't mean I like being hot or don't get uncomfortable from the heat. I just don't have some of the issues a lot of others have with the heat.
M went riding again today. I feel like I should be ready to join back next weekend or so. W went over to the rentals to work in our garden. The rest of the house is being lazy - the dog thinks it is too hot out here and went back in. The cats are sprawled in various locations around the house finding some warm sun to nap in. This is just a good lazy saturday.
M is saying maybe we should have had this done a long time ago, and maybe need to go on to have the left one done. Maybe. My concern on the left is that it is not just the pain but the instability. Which I think is due to the ACL injury years ago that was never repaired.
Anyway, it is a good day. The sun is shining bright. A little too hot, but the breeze feels good. I'm sitting out on our deck enjoying it - at least for now, until I get too hot out here and/or the breeze dies down. I'm one of the apparent lucky ones with MS that isn't that effected by the heat. I'm more effected by cold. Doesn't mean I like being hot or don't get uncomfortable from the heat. I just don't have some of the issues a lot of others have with the heat.
M went riding again today. I feel like I should be ready to join back next weekend or so. W went over to the rentals to work in our garden. The rest of the house is being lazy - the dog thinks it is too hot out here and went back in. The cats are sprawled in various locations around the house finding some warm sun to nap in. This is just a good lazy saturday.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday Bike Ride
This past Saturday the weather cleared enough in the morning for us to a short bike ride. W is in Colorado so he missed it, but I went with M and her sister and a friend of her sisters to ride back at City Island. I did promise M that I would walk my bike up the steep ramps along front street (just in case - after all this was the site of where I broke my ankle the last time I was on my bike back in January.) The weather was nice, although the wind was strong toward the end. I did 7.9 miles, actually closer to 8, since the odometer rolled over while I moved my bike around before putting it back on the rack to head home. So I think I did pretty good.
M & the rest did a lot more than I did. There was a crowd at City Island so they opted to take the regular bridge (with the cars) instead of the walking bridge. I wanted to take it easy while I got over the fear of falling off my bike so I decided to just ride around the Island a bit and by the time I did that the walking bridge traffic cleared so I went across that. I met back up with the others briefly but found I had trouble keeping up. So let them go on without me and took my time. I met back up with them later. I know the last 3 miles or so were tough. My muscles really felt it. And my left knee. In spite of getting another injection last week. M was concerned and hung back to make sure I made it back to across the walking bridge because she figured I had to be tired. I am very lucky to have someone like M in my life. I'm sure I don't tell her that enough.
Riding felt good. I had a little trouble starting off - feeling a bit wobbly (ok a lot wobbly). I had a couple moments of panic trying to push off and or stop when I didn't have the strength in my left leg to get the bike going and was wobbling along with the voices in my head saying "don't fall... don't fall... you going to break something again if you fall..." So getting past the fear was kind of a big thing. I hate being afraid. I don't like being afraid of anything. Sometimes I look back and think what happened to the younger me. The one that wasn't afraid, and the one whose body hadn't yet started to betray her. I could run, jump, climb, even crawl. I played sports, and didn't have to think ahead as to where I was walking, watch my balance (I wobble walking sometimes too - not just on a bike). I can't squat down, my knees can't deal with it. I have trouble kneeling and/or crawling on my knees for the same reason. Run? forget it! And now since falling off the bike a couple times and breaking my ankle the last time, a part of me knows that fear is something real, not just in my head. I do need to watch out, and think ahead and be careful, and try not to fall. So the fear is there, and it has grown. Bah!
M & I are planning a trip in July to Ohiopyle. We will take W with us, JJ is going to house/dog/cat sit for us. We are taking the bikes, and will ride some of the rail trails in the area. I'm excited about the trip. I'm hoping I'll be up to do the trails and will be able to keep up. I am a little nervous about the surgery this Thursday and how quickly I'll be able to recover. Mainly I'm worried that my weaker left will be able to handle doing all the work for a few days - going up/down stairs when I get home from the surgery, etc. I'll just have to tough it out I guess. M also wants to go white water rafting while we are at Ohiopyle. I went once years ago (over 30 yrs I think). I think it will be fun, but I'm nervous about that too. She wants to do the upper yough which is the toughest. I am being nervous Nelly and think of all that could go wrong. I miss the me that was adventurous and unafraid. And most of all strong and pain free.
M & the rest did a lot more than I did. There was a crowd at City Island so they opted to take the regular bridge (with the cars) instead of the walking bridge. I wanted to take it easy while I got over the fear of falling off my bike so I decided to just ride around the Island a bit and by the time I did that the walking bridge traffic cleared so I went across that. I met back up with the others briefly but found I had trouble keeping up. So let them go on without me and took my time. I met back up with them later. I know the last 3 miles or so were tough. My muscles really felt it. And my left knee. In spite of getting another injection last week. M was concerned and hung back to make sure I made it back to across the walking bridge because she figured I had to be tired. I am very lucky to have someone like M in my life. I'm sure I don't tell her that enough.
Riding felt good. I had a little trouble starting off - feeling a bit wobbly (ok a lot wobbly). I had a couple moments of panic trying to push off and or stop when I didn't have the strength in my left leg to get the bike going and was wobbling along with the voices in my head saying "don't fall... don't fall... you going to break something again if you fall..." So getting past the fear was kind of a big thing. I hate being afraid. I don't like being afraid of anything. Sometimes I look back and think what happened to the younger me. The one that wasn't afraid, and the one whose body hadn't yet started to betray her. I could run, jump, climb, even crawl. I played sports, and didn't have to think ahead as to where I was walking, watch my balance (I wobble walking sometimes too - not just on a bike). I can't squat down, my knees can't deal with it. I have trouble kneeling and/or crawling on my knees for the same reason. Run? forget it! And now since falling off the bike a couple times and breaking my ankle the last time, a part of me knows that fear is something real, not just in my head. I do need to watch out, and think ahead and be careful, and try not to fall. So the fear is there, and it has grown. Bah!
M & I are planning a trip in July to Ohiopyle. We will take W with us, JJ is going to house/dog/cat sit for us. We are taking the bikes, and will ride some of the rail trails in the area. I'm excited about the trip. I'm hoping I'll be up to do the trails and will be able to keep up. I am a little nervous about the surgery this Thursday and how quickly I'll be able to recover. Mainly I'm worried that my weaker left will be able to handle doing all the work for a few days - going up/down stairs when I get home from the surgery, etc. I'll just have to tough it out I guess. M also wants to go white water rafting while we are at Ohiopyle. I went once years ago (over 30 yrs I think). I think it will be fun, but I'm nervous about that too. She wants to do the upper yough which is the toughest. I am being nervous Nelly and think of all that could go wrong. I miss the me that was adventurous and unafraid. And most of all strong and pain free.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Weekend Getaway, bikes, and things
This past weekend M and I went down to the shore. She rode in the annual Ocean to Bay ride, 25 miles. I am really proud of her. Just think last year neither one of us was riding at all. And this past Saturday she rode over 30 miles altogether. I really wish I had been up to riding as well, but I was afraid to try it. The ride looked great though very little grade. Which is really great for me. We have plans to do it again next year. It was really nice chance to get away from it all too. Good to have a break from work. Good to have some time together. The weather was great. Just a great weekend.
Actually I am a afraid to get back on the bike. Afraid of falling again. Afraid I won't be able to catch myself if I tip over. Afraid to get hurt. I hate being afraid. Seems as the years go by, I lose more and more. I thought it was a part of getting older, but now, I guess it is much more.
I am still doing the Physical Therapy. It helps. I can tell I am re-gaining the strength in my left knee and ankle, the range of motion in my ankle is almost back to normal. I still have trouble with stairs. My knee can't quite pull me up going up steps and my ankle hurts on the way down. My therapist told me today that that is also a function of my lack of strength in the thigh muscle which effects my ability to go up and down. The muscle gives way, and so i feel it in my ankle. Makes sense.
I saw my orthopedic dr last Friday. He said I was back too soon to get new xrays of the ankle. But we talked about the ankle and it seems to be doing fine. Then we talked about the knees. Basically it isn't anything we didn't already know. According to him my knees are well into their late 60's. My actual age is 47. People don't seem to think I look it. I tell people I have a 25 yr old daughter and I'm told there is no way. I guess that is lucky. I don't really have wrinkles. Probably partly due to being overweight. I don't have any grey hair. My mom didn't really go grey until she was in her 60's and then it looked like her hair was frosted. My dad was the same way. I do have liver spots on my hands. so my skin looks old. Anyway, I also talked to the dr about scheduling the orthoscopic surgery on my right knee since my kneecap is driving me nuts. It is very hard to sit still for any length of time. So he gave me a cortisone shot in my left knee to see if that would help it. Normally the shots do help it. And we scheduled surgery for next Thursday 4/29. I hope I'll be ready. But the plan is to get it done and move on.
I have no idea if I will be able to get back in shape to do the MS bike ride in July but that is still my goal. M says I will make it.
Actually I am a afraid to get back on the bike. Afraid of falling again. Afraid I won't be able to catch myself if I tip over. Afraid to get hurt. I hate being afraid. Seems as the years go by, I lose more and more. I thought it was a part of getting older, but now, I guess it is much more.
I am still doing the Physical Therapy. It helps. I can tell I am re-gaining the strength in my left knee and ankle, the range of motion in my ankle is almost back to normal. I still have trouble with stairs. My knee can't quite pull me up going up steps and my ankle hurts on the way down. My therapist told me today that that is also a function of my lack of strength in the thigh muscle which effects my ability to go up and down. The muscle gives way, and so i feel it in my ankle. Makes sense.
I saw my orthopedic dr last Friday. He said I was back too soon to get new xrays of the ankle. But we talked about the ankle and it seems to be doing fine. Then we talked about the knees. Basically it isn't anything we didn't already know. According to him my knees are well into their late 60's. My actual age is 47. People don't seem to think I look it. I tell people I have a 25 yr old daughter and I'm told there is no way. I guess that is lucky. I don't really have wrinkles. Probably partly due to being overweight. I don't have any grey hair. My mom didn't really go grey until she was in her 60's and then it looked like her hair was frosted. My dad was the same way. I do have liver spots on my hands. so my skin looks old. Anyway, I also talked to the dr about scheduling the orthoscopic surgery on my right knee since my kneecap is driving me nuts. It is very hard to sit still for any length of time. So he gave me a cortisone shot in my left knee to see if that would help it. Normally the shots do help it. And we scheduled surgery for next Thursday 4/29. I hope I'll be ready. But the plan is to get it done and move on.
I have no idea if I will be able to get back in shape to do the MS bike ride in July but that is still my goal. M says I will make it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
